The Dream

I am shaken.  Quite literally shaken and shaking in my core.

I just woke up from an over-exercised induced sudden nap attack at 3 in the afternoon.  It is 5pm now.  It is my first day in San Francisco.  Granted I walked (hiked) 5 miles in this city of Hills but still.

In this nightmare, I was back in Maryland on the lane where I grew up but as an adult now yet still seeing it somewhat through a younger child’s eye.  As I did when I was small, I was walking up the lane from my friend’s. There were new families living all around me though.  Not all but a few.  As I was wandering about, I saw a large mountain lion prowling around the neighborhood, close up.  I knew the danger but was not in fear, just observational.  

There was a new family, mom dad, and two small children, who were now living across the lane from us. They were out walking their small dog.  Something felt so off for such an ordinary scenario but on I went, the keen observationalist on point.

The extremely odd overlay to this was that I had a “shadow?” dog/animal at my side.  Large, LARGE.  I was adult size and this creature stood almost mid torso high on me, on my right side always. He moved as if he were a shadow.  I kept gklancing to see if it actually was a shadow of something else near me. I could and did reach out and stroke his withers. He was two tones of dark brown and russet. If I looked directly down on him, he appeared almost out of focus to me. I could only see him in a sort of profile.  He was always alert and looking forward.  I felt that if I looked at his face directly he would vanish.  He never turned his head. 

The family with the small dog were walking somewhat in front of me, maybe 600 yards, the kids were frolicking, the dog was scampering in and out of shrubbery sniffing around.  The family went back towards their house while the dog ran into a thicket of brush on my right.

I was continually aware of my shadow companion and even spoke to others(?) and told them it was an Irish Wolfhound when clearly it was not but that’s what I felt. They could all see it and comment on it though.  I was the only one who really could only see it’s shadow and profile. It did not feel threatening at all, just very, very, odd…..to me.

I watched where the small dog ran into the brush and it did not emerge.  As I got parallel to the shrubs, I saw the mate of the mountain lion as well, they were both feasting on something.  I fearfully assumed it was the small dog.  My shadow dog was simply watchful, ears up, unflappable, and still by my side. I was not afraid of the cougars even though they were within 20 feet of me and they appeared to pay me no mind.  Not even a glance my way as I was expecting them to do.

I knew I would have to tell the family what I suspected had happen to their dog and felt real angst about the task.  As I got to my house, things got extremely weird.

I suddenly noticed across the lane a large row of armored vehicles, parked, and many, many Russian troops in formation marching across the lane and into my drive where the other family had gathered looking for their dog. The commander even looked at my shadow dog and asked what he was and I responded Irish Wolfhound. Before I could say anything more, the soldiers surround the family and grabbed them all individually, four or more men to a person and held them aloft by their arms.  They were in close formation but more of a circle now.  The family members were terrified and struggling.  The commander kept shouting at the soldiers as they stretched the families’ arms out right and left from their shoulders, harder and harder, “More!  Make them feel it!”  They marched the family away towards the trucks.

My odd shadow dog and I just watched.  This is what he looked like but I was on his left,  he was in shades of brown and I could only see his whithers and head and pointed ears.  

I woke covered in sweat, my heart pounding, one fist gripping itself so hard that I thought I had punctured the skin, the indent took hours to fade.

I am shaken, unsettled, and still over an hour later very full of a dread I never feel. 

Ominous is the only way I can articulate the overall pall that I feel.

Some years back, one of the Rx’s I was on was known for its dream inducing qualities.  It was the primary reason many docs took their patients off it, the complaints were too many.

I, on the other hand, had absolutely amazing technicolor dreams.  I would dream entire movie plots, in color, and recite them over coffee in the morning.  They were never frightening, scary, or threatening; all of which were part of this dream sequence.